if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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