Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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