i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
