Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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