Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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