Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
