Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
