party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
