I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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