Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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