I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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