Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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