I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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