The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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