i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
