it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
