did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
