Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
