Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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