guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
