why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
