What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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