last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
third nipple confirmed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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