he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
