if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize