You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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