I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
