I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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