U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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