Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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