What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
