my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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