So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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