just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
