we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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