This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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