I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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