good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize