either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
