my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
