Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tell her she can't have a vagina
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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