Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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