Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
