two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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