is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
