woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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