burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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