Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
