walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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