I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
