physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
