Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm both gender and math confused
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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