The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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