we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize