you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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