The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
