when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love you. Go after that dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
