Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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