Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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