I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
