the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
