One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
