Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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