There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize