Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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