just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
