Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
