i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize