I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
