That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize