dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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