so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Of course I have a pirate flag
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
