I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
