the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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