Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
