I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
