You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
