I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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