I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
