Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
