My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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