I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
