I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
