I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
