She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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