I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
