Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are all done wearing pants today
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
