Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
