Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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