Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't deserve a penis
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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