Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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