i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
