i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
